10 Ways to Overcome Low Self-Esteem

Good morning, everyone! I am running, running, running, and I apologize for the lateness today and the hurried post I must make. I have 25 minutes to write about ways to overcome low self-esteem. So, let’s get started!

Here are some thoughts about ways to overcome self-esteem:

1. The best thing to do to overcome low self-esteem is to get into action of some sort. That may involve soul-searching, as I define in the following steps, or it may mean getting active in an activity, or a group.

2. Start writing every morning for at least 15 minutes and print with your “other,” your non-dominant, hand. Allow your feelings to flow onto the page without censoring them.

3. Identify all of your positive points – list them out. This list will be at least one full page on a legal pad. i.e., identify at least 25 positive things about yourself.

4. List out all the positive things you did for others and yourself, and words you said to others and yourself in the last week. List these out. It will be a long list; go with it! 🙂

5. Write down all the negative things you have been told throughout the course of your life that have led to your low self-esteem.

6. Take each point on the list, the negative points, and ask yourself: Is it true? Was what I was told true? Write about what comes up for you, what you discover.

7. Now, if you have a “yes” on your list, if some of the negative things told to you were and are true, write a plan for each point you found to be negative. This plan will include how you plan to make changes in yourself so the point is no longer negative. In other words, plan to take action to improve yourself.

8. Take the time to reflect on all the lies you were told. Feel in your gut, in your heart, how those things were not said fairly. Consider they were said by an emotionally ill person, for whatever reason. Write about what comes up for you.

9. Become willing to let go of the negative messages you were/are told, and recognize how it will change the story you tell about yourself. For example, you may be pitying yourself; letting go of the negativity means you will have to let go of the pity, and you may not get the same attention you have been getting. I guarantee you, though, that the positive attention you get instead will be well worth it. 🙂

10. Re-write the list of positive points about yourself, including ways you would like to be, even if you have not achieved them quite yet. Adopt the new beliefs about yourself that you have listed.

If you preform these steps, you will see a shift from a low self-esteem, to a much more positive one.

Remember, we are all wanting to step into our greatness. We often play small, and we need to start playing big by stepping into that greatness that exists in al of us. That brings to mind another point, so I have included a bonus tip, tip #11:

11. Identify the fear you hold about letting go of your negative self-esteem; write about that fear. Just by bringing it to light, you help to dissolve it.

I am hopeful you find these steps useful. Leave a comment if you do them and notice an improvement in your low self-esteem.


Feeling Hopeless with No Purpose or Reason to Live

Good morning. I hope this morning dawns brightly, and that you aren’t feeling hopeless with no reason to live. Instead, I hope that you each reflect upon your strengths and the wonderful being that you are, and bring that to the world today.

I was struck by this search, “feeling worthless with no purpose and no reason to live” because I have been there. I have been in that place that is so low, that all I wanted to do was to die. In fact, I prayed to God several times a day to let me die. He didn’t answer that prayer…

I’m so glad He didn’t because things turned around for me, and they can turn around for you, too. With a little bit of action, you, too can feel there is purpose to your life, to your living and you can quiet those feelings of feeling hopeless.

The first action I suggest is to take the time each morning to write in a journal. I suggest writing with your non-dominant hand. I am right-handed and when I started writing with my left hand, all sorts of things, deep feelings, came up and flowed onto the page. I printed instead of writing script. That was easier. There is a soothing quality that emerges when we can express what is in our heart and soul.

The second thing to do is to seek out books written about the thing you are feeling hopeless about. For example, my feelings of hopelessness centered around my abusive childhood, so I found authors John Bradshaw, Alice Miller, and Claudia Black and I read their books. They gave voice and definition to the feelings I had but couldn’t quite name. This was very soothing for me.

The third thing you can do is to find someone to talk to about feeling hopeless, someone with whom to share your burden. This can be a trusted friend, family member, or clergy/minister. Remember, a pain shared is a pain divided. Find someone who will not start telling you what to do, but will instead just listen and offer comfort to you.

Try these three things and see if you get some relief from feeling hopeless. The secret lies in trying to get the feelings out… either in writing or by verbalizing them.

To you who is feeling no reason to live, I wish you hope to live, hope that your life is worth it. You see, each life is worth it. Each person has a gift to share with the world. You just don’t know what that gift is yet. Be patient. It will appear. You will soon discover it and feeling hopeless will melt away.


Overcoming Insecurity and Low Self-Esteem

Good morning, all. May you have a day of growth and awareness as you journey today. There were four searches for overcoming insecurity and low self-esteem, so I will address this topic.

In the pursuit of getting past insecurity and low self-esteem, I wonder if we ever get totally over insecurity. I mean, I wonder if there are situations that arise for us all that sometimes lead us to feel insecure, even when we have a strong sense of self-esteem? It may be quite normal to feel pangs of insecurity, for example, when faced with a new situation, but we move through it and it disappears as we become more comfortable in the situation.

Having raised that point, let’s look at situations where we are acutely insecure… insecure all the time, with a low self-esteem. I believe that our esteem is formed as we grow up, and is further affected as an adult. Lots of berating, criticism, and being put down will lead to insecurity and low self-esteem, either as a child, or while in a bad marriage, for example. So, what do we do about it?

I suggest that we determine what is the root of our insecurity and low self-esteem. Can we recall the times when we were berated, criticized… told we were worthless, for example. That was my demise… being told I was worthless almost every day as a child. It took its toll and I have had difficulty with getting past a low self-esteem all my life. How did I do it, get beyond the messages I received?

First, I identified the cause of my insecurity and low esteem.  It was not only childhood that led to this, but my verbally abusive marriage, as well. After identifying the causes, I wrote about my feelings… I journaled. And not just writing, but printing with my non-dominant hand, my left hand. When I did this, all sorts of deep feelings welled forth onto the page, and I began to feel some relief. My suggestion is for you to try to print with your non-dominant hand every morning for at least 5 minutes. You’ll be amazed what will surface.

Next, I began a rigorous self-talk campaign. I told myself that what was said to me were lies, that what was said was highly critical and I could never meet the expectations of the one who criticized me. Knowing there was nothing I could ever do to meet their expectations led me to feel freer, more secure in myself. Coupled with a self-appraisal of my traits, I saw my positive traits, and I began to remind myself of them every time insecurity or low self-esteem occurred.

I recognized that what was told to me was actually what the person who said them was feeling about themselves. Ahhh, what was said had nothing to do with me, only the other person. I recognized that they were emotionally and spiritually sick, not that I was bad.

So, with repeated soothing and positive self-talk, I began to grow my low self-esteem. I wrote about my positive traits, again with my non-dominant hand, to reinforce them  in my heart and mind. Over the years, that has worked to raise my low self-esteem and has led to feeling more secure.

What about you? Can you identify where the feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem originated? Can you write, print, with your non-dominant hand and let the deep hurt surface? Can you follow up those revelations with positive self-talk, and recognize that what was said was really about the person who said those things to you? Give these things a try and let us know how it turns out for you.



Definition of Tolerance

We are brought to the next topic in my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, and I will provide a definition of tolerance. First, the verse.

Practice of Tolerance

Practice of Tolerance

“I have the most difficulty being tolerant of others when I am feeling inadequate, insecure, and uncomfortable with myself.

Yet, when I am able to look beyond the imperfections of others, I discover great beauty and worth in them.

And, I discover that another’s value does not diminish my own.” 

The definition of tolerance is allowing, bearing, permitting, or not interfering with another’s beliefs and practices.

This is a wonderful habit to practice… tolerating others, as it results in peace for the one tolerating another.

I think it bears repeating why we may be intolerant. For me, I find that I am intolerant of another’s ideas or beliefs when I am feeling inadequate and unsure of myself.

In that situation, I compare myself to another and fall short of them. That makes me uncomfortable and it intensifies my low self-esteem. I struggle with allowing another’s beliefs or practices because they threaten who I believe myself to be… or at least, that’s what I think in the moment.

On the other hand, when I am feeling comfortable about who I am and hold myself in good esteem, another’s different ideas or beliefs do not shake that self-confidence I have.

I think the biggest thing to realize is that just because another has value in who and what they are, that does not diminish my own value. Just because they have a valid point, for example, does not make my point any less valid or valuable.

We spend a lot of time comparing ourselves to others… too much time, perhaps. Rather, if we can tolerate the differences in another, it enriches our lives, instead of detracting from it.

So, perhaps the real message here is to work on developing our self-esteem, feeling comfortable with who and what we are. Then, perhaps we can more effortlessly tolerate others. It sounds like an opportunity for practice.

We can also practice being more tolerant of ourselves and our quirks. If we see something we do not like, we can take action and change it, instead of being negative and intolerant of ourselves.

What is your definition of tolerance and how do you practice it? Do you find it is easier to be tolerant when you are feeling good about yourself? I invite you to leave a comment and let us know how you practice tolerance.


Inspirational Quotes About Life and Hope

Ray of Hope

Ray of Hope

One of the inspirational quotes about life and hope for today is, “A ray of light across the bars of my being lights my way, instills hope in my heart.”

Another is, “You feel hope when you feel that what you want will happen.” That is Webster’s definition…

For you who is learning to love yourself and to overcome low self-esteem, depression, worthlessness, or despair, you begin to believe that you can overcome these things, that you can feel self-love.

Now that you have seen yourself with kindness and compassion, forgiven yourself and others, learned to have humility and willingness, and accepted yourself as you are, you realize that you have hope for better times, a better feeling about yourself and your life.

You have hope that you can move forward in life, that inner peace and happiness can be yours. Breathe in intention – to move forward in your life. Breathe out manifestation – you experience peace and happiness today.

All it takes is that little ray of hope that you see in the photograph, and soon the sun shines even more brightly across the bars of your being, dissolving doubt, washing away fear. You bathe in that ray and drink in the hope that it brings to your soul. 

That’s right… go ahead and drink in hope, relish it, revel in it. Let it open your heart. Believe in yourself and let your light shine in your world and the world around you. 

Can you feel that hope? Are you breathing in intention and breathing out manifestation? Let your soul be lightened and washed clear. Is your soul feeling more clear? It is my hope that it is. Now, have a peaceful and happy day as you bask in hope today… then tomorrow, and then the next day, and the next… one day at a time…



Absence of Moral Judgment


Why do we judge people so harshly for being who they are, if their actions and behaviors feed their spirit and are not harmful to themselves or others? Is it because we are afraid of them and their differences, and/or is it because we’re not feeliing okay about ourselves?

As it turns out, I am grateful to have become an alcoholic, because I was forced to learn how to assess myself pretty honestly. I did not feel good about myself. Lots of assessment and healing later, I began to see how my negative thoughts about others were very morally judgmental, in response to my fear and esteem issues.

It was through the process of self-appraisal that, as I began to feel better about who I was and took responsibility for my thoughts, the less I handed out moral judgment, the less I denigrated their soul. So maybe the more we love ourselves, the less we judge others negatively.

I notice a whole litany of judgments running through my mind at any given moment, always judging another, as well as myself. First, I see myself noticing things about people and then judging them as safe to be around.

That is inate in all of us. It part of the automatic fight or flight mechanism – to continually assess our situation so we keep ourselves safe. We just do this, it just happens. It’s unconscious much of the time.

Yet, for me, the judgment takes on a tone of morality, sometimes indignantly, because I’ve continued my assessment, which includes deciding whether someone is good or bad.

By having these thoughts about someone, do I not set up an energy that they can feel on a soul level and it denigrates them as a person? In sobriety, I decided I wanted to stop denigrating people in my mind.

Initially, it was a conscious thought to go to that place where I said to myself, “Isn’t that interesting what that person thinks or is doing?” and leave it at that.

***** This only applies, of course, when the person is not being harmful to himself or others. That’s a whole other discussion…

Now I more automatically notice when I am judging someone, and this allows me to stop doing it. I find myself really enjoying what that person has to offer.

I have experienced the most beautiful moments with people whom I used to judge as bad. What an awesome discovery that was, and continues to be, as a result of my attempts at learning to lessen and negate my moral judgment.

Wow. What a long way to peace that would go if, once assessing that we’re safe, we stopped with our moral judgment of others. Would it be a world  filled with more happiness and the experience of more wondrous moments?

And if we stopped with the moral judgment of ourselves, would we each experience more happiness within, leading to our inner peace?



Inspirational Sayings About Overcoming Insecurity and Low Self-Esteem

Overcoming insecurity and low-self esteem is a process. It takes conscious, focused, and consistent attention, especially if we have an extra-low esteem or very high insecurity. I believe the answer lies in learning to accept ourselves, just as we are. Hence, the title of the photo on the right, which is Acceptance of Self.

First, we need to be aware of how we currently see ourselves. We can ask ourselves questions about our esteem, our confidence. If we think of ourselves as “less than” others, then we are dealing with a low self-esteem and insecurity. We accept that and give compassion and soothing to ourselves. We treat ourselves with gentleness as we explore these feelings.

We understand that we are human and we embrace that. Not as an excuse for poor behavior, actions, or thoughts, but, instead, to allow ourselves to make mistakes, to be human, to have failings.

When we have erred, we can examine the situation and our part in it. Then we can apologize to the other, or ourselves, and we change our behavior. This action is our responsibility and, when performed, helps us feel better about ourselves, merely because we are being responsible for things we did that we didn’t like.

Another way to boost our esteem and lessen our insecurities is to do things for others. Sometimes, that’s as simple as smiling at someone as we pass, saying hello. It could be offering help to one in need, whether a stranger or someone we know. We take responsibility for being useful to others. This works well to increase esteem. It is said that if you want esteem, do esteem-able acts.

These are the things I have done that have allowed me to better my self-image and esteem, both of which were shattered when I came to sobriety. It has taken years, and I committed to the process which I have outlined. The result was tested last week in Allen, Texas, while at a signing event for my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing.

I was well-received and people were giving me compliments right and left. In days before I felt comfortable with myself and who I am, I would have pushed away those words, discounted them, with sarcastic or humorous responses to another’s compliment. Now that I feel positive regard for myself, I was able to humbly accept what was coming my way, taking it in with gratitude and joy, knowiing that my message of hope had been heard. That made me feel good about myself, which, in turn, lowered my insecurity.

If you are dealing with overcoming insecurity and low self-esteem, try what I have described. You may find it helpful. Just remember that it is a process, one which takes time and persistence. I wish you well.